“So much time and effort is spent on wanting to change, trying to change, to be somebody different, better, or new. Why not use this time to get comfortable with yourself as you are instead?” -Andy Puddicombe
“There is no good or bad meditation — there is simply awareness or non-awareness. To begin with, we get distracted a lot. Over time, we get distracted less. Be gentle with your approach, be patient with the mind, and be kind to yourself along the way.” –Andy Puddicombe
I need therapy but I can’t afford it
– alternative ways to therapy –
First of all, please understand that nothing, and I mean nothing replaces professional therapy. This is just meant to offer some things to do when you really are out of options. I recently came across one amazing person, working as a secretary and he told me “Therapy is great, yeah, except who can really afford it, know I’m saying?”
So I kept thinking to this issue because it is indeed true that many people cannot go to therapy due to money issue. So here are a few ways to maybe still find comfort and order in your mind when you need to actually talk to somebody.
- Try online therapy, many times it’s cheaper. Yes, it will cost you couple penny, but it can be a cheaper alternative to a therapist. There is indeed the risk that you will not talk to a licensed professional, but I have found in my experience, that many a times jut talking can help tremendously in times of sadness. More than that, it is often the case that loading off our souls will help more then we think, especially in moments of anxiety.
- Call a friend, if you trust them enough. “But I have no friend.” Yes, many of us don’t or have few friends that we know maybe have their own issues to deal with. But, in many cases, it is a question of trust. You simply do not trust people enough to talk to them about the most vulnerable state of your mind. We are scared to not disappoint them or scare them away or bother them. But if you find the courage to tell them what you are going through, you might find they understand and support more then you believe.
- Go to a spiritual guide. I would like to mention that this only applies to a handful of people who happened to be believers in something that is more than science. Call it religion or whatever you like. But it can help, if you are a believer, to talk to a priest that you trust or to any person that can guide based on your own beliefs and spiritual values.
- Start moving your body. Go for a walk, start dancing, take a ride on your bike. Sometimes, just moving your body can shift your mind from the negative thoughts you have at a certain moment. It is not easy and you never will feel like it, but it could be so helpful to move your body and jut change your breathing rhythm.
- Go to the Emergency Room. When thoughts get very dark, go to the emergency room, if you feel like it is unbearable, they will help. Maybe they stop you there for a day or two, but as a last resort, go and ask for help. It is probably the hardest thing that we as humans do, to admit we are vulnerable, but in many cases, there is no other way. Be brave. There is no situation that can win. You are stronger, you are better than any dark thought.
Take care of yourself.
2/15/2023
3 good habits to practice when you fail
Today I failed. Coming home I kept thinking what to do to manage my thoughts, my soul and the pain I slowly started to feel. I am fortunate enough to have a support system, but sometimes support systems cannot catch you when you fall, even the best of people in your life cannot sometimes reach you as you need them to.
So I was thinking that with failure comes the feeling of loneliness and, at the end of the day, you need to work on yourself first and foremost. With this mindset I arrived home and started to clean my house. It took my mind off pain and I continued to feel a bit better while cleaning. So first habit that could really help you is this:
- Move your body
When you move your body doing things like walking or cleaning, maybe working out there is a biological response that can distract you from the problems you are facing at a given time. Say you fail an exam. Best thing you can do is start to run. Clean your house. And please allow me to let you in on a little secret. Cook. Chose any recipe, whatever you want, and bake the living flour out of it. You may not get it right, but it will help you see a result that is tasty coming out of your hands. Maybe you want more discipline than this, though. Go to the gym. Physical pain can feel amazing if done for a purpose and what better purpose than being fit?
- Meet a friend
Now I do not have many friends and for me, personally, this is how I organize my life. I prefer fewer friends to the group. However this is very unimportant, point is if you go through some hard times, you may want to isolate yourself. Do not do it. If you cannot physically get to a friend, call one. Some of us never reach out to people and if you find that difficult as well, schedule a meeting, or a call and try to talk what you feel with someone. It will help put it in perspective many times and many of those times, even the idea of support feels good and it is a starting point in accepting that you just failed, it does not mean this is your destiny. Which brings me to the third habit that is pivotal, namely:
- Make a future plan
In this day and age it is easy to forget about the pan and paper. Trust me when I tell you it is not the same to take notes on a phone. So a good habit you can develop, and you can do this even if you are the most successful person, write a plan for the future. With steps, to know what to do and with potential results. Such a habit helps more then you may think, our brain is wired to follow patterns and planning, even if you are a spontaneous person, planning ahead can help you realize that the situation and disappointment you are in have a way out and you just have to follow certain steps to get your life on track. A considerable amount of times we tend to give a situation more credit than it has.
We should never forget that all of us got this. We really do. You really do.
1/16/2023
The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene
Every now and again there is a book capable of making people understand the basic topic of ”life`s meaning” or whatever other question we might have in this life. The Laws of Human Nature is such a book. It is not the easiest book to read and it is not going to provide a miracle for you. But as you read it and as you understand certain mechanisms of human behavior, you might find the tranquility that everyday life takes away sometimes.
This book is a gem when it comes to make you understand that not all people can react the way you expect them too and also, they should not expect you to react in any stereotypical way. Freedom goes both ways and this is what makes this book apart from others. It will not only help you understand why others are (mostly) the way they are, but it will, more importantly, give you some answers regarding yourself. A promise the author makes, indirectly, is that it will get respectfully into your mind to facilitate your understanding about why you are the way you are in certain situation.
What I personally liked about this book is the fact that it goes way back to the beginning of the humanity and the potential decisions that were made at that time, as well. It tries to give a meaning to all that was, although arguably, that is a very utopian thing to wish for. A book that offers understanding, freedom and responsibility. Understanding towards others, freedom from their judgment and responsibility for the less kind acts that you may have done. It is a real pleasure to read it even if it is not the easiest text, there are many scientifically centered facts that one must research a little bit, but once you are committed to it, it can, arguably be the most amazing and eye-opening books you could ever read. Fear not to venture, I can promise you a feeling of fulfillment afterwards.
Enjoy!
12/20/2022
”Put yourself out there”
by Jane Anderson
One of the best books you should read at least once in your life is Jane Anderson’s “Put yourself out there”. Many a times we do not start projects or we keep our ideas to ourselves simply because we are scared and/or we care too much about what others may say.
It probably sounds childish or too harsh, but nobody cares. And even if they do, mean things said about us (or about people in general) tend to be short lived. Some people look sideways no matter what you do. So you might as well start that thing you wanted to start, like designing clothes or send that manuscript to some publishers or say your opinion kindly but firmly.
What this book is teaching us is to simply not be afraid. But for you it could be different, it may teach you to stop a self destructive behavior or stop putting yourself down. Most of the times the biggest bully you have to deal with is yourself. Probably you don’t even realize it anymore. Well, criticism is good, don’t get me wrong, but up to a point. Enough is enough. And no, I’m not saying this idealistically, there are moments and moments in one’s life.
But I have seen people, wonderful people who could never find the way to start. One of the best pieces of advice I got and I give to you now, sounded like this: If you want to pass an exam the first condition is to go to that exam. You can study all you want, but in the end if you do not physically go to take the exam, all the studying is for nothing. Ok, maybe not for nothing, because knowledge is important in any of its forms, but you get the point.
What I liked about this book? Mostly, that it puts in perspective the idea of “wait for the right moment”. We all know people who are very old, never did what they kept saying they will do only because they “waited for the right time”. Maybe you are a person who’s shy. Aren’t we all in a way? Make friends online, and always be brave enough to put yourself out there. Start a blog. You have something to say, trust me. Maybe you cannot write. Accepted, although I believe everyone has a writer in them. But you have a hobby. Talk to people about that. Are you lazy? Watching TV/YouTube all day? Tell people about that. And maybe you have this idea “what if they think I’m weird? what if they laugh at me?”
Do yourself a favor and switch gears. We love what if-s. Well then, start with the good ones. “What if they like me? What if they think I’m interesting? What if I make it?”
And grab this book. Just give it a shot and you will not be sorry.
12/07/2022